Captain’s Daughter (Tree of Shadows)

Did ya ever have one of those nights when nothin’ goes yer way? I mean, when it’s happenin’, it seems like a dream come true! But then, the next day,  when yer head’s all a’ poundin’ and ya got somethin’ ya don’t quite recognize stuck to yer face, the horrible truth comes clear.

I mean, I’d been better off payin’ attention to the mizzenmast than the risenmast last night, If ya know what I’m sayin’. I mean, piracy’s been pretty good to me over the years…until yesterday….now I’m

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

Went over the side o’ the ship, I did, swam toward the nearest dock. They say those things can’t follow a scent over water, ya know. The next thing I hear’s a splash waaaaaayyyyy back in the distance

She looked so much better when we was out to sea—better than me ship mates, at least. Then there was the ale. Woke up the next mornin’, and there she was, swingin’ from the riggin’, with a face like, well…HIS! Now I’m

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

So I pulled meself out of the water and started runnin’ fer me life. Me only thought was to find someplace I could hide safely…without bein’ boarded again, that is. So into the crowd I ran, scared as a cow in a catapult.

Next thing I seen was a fishwagon, And I figured if there was anywhere I could hide to cover me scent, must be there, right? Just my luck, turned out she was hungry. So there she was, with a mouth full o’ what was hidin’ me, and me with my pants full o’…well….you know….

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

So just as she’s got a herring halfway down her throat I tear off runnin’ again, only now she’s got me scent for sure. so what I need’s somethin’ what smells worse than me and isn’t her. There I be, runnin’ through the marketplace, leapin’ anything bigger than me and shovin’ anything smaller, the howls and snarls never seemin’ more than about an inch behind me.

Just when I was runnin’ outta breath and hope, I spied a purfume bottle in a window the size o’ 2 horses, 3 kegs o’ ale, an overstuffed brazier and one of those wee little cups they drink tea out of.

As it’s easier to break a window than dig for coins, you know, I introduced Mr. Brick to Mr. Window, and with my booty, off I ran!

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

SoiInto an alley I ducked, hopin’ to find a place to hide, but instead findin’ a clergyman. A minute later, I found an unconscious naked clergyman on the ground with an empty perfume bottle.

Soakin’ wet, tired as hell, scared for me life, dressed as a priest, and smellin’ like a laundry bag from a brothel, I stumbled back out onto the street. Just as I thought the coast was clear, somethin’ blocked out the sun…and boyo was she mad! I’m still

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

So, to make a long story short….er, I darted through her legs before she could get her paws on me, and next up the street into an unsuspecting Inn. After joining the minstrel in a rousing chorus of “OH GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE,” I dodged up the stairs and through the first unlocked door I found.

Slammin’ it and lockin’ it behind me, I finally heaved a sigh of relief. I’m not sure who was more surprised, meself or the lovely couple in the bed behind me. As the man was twice my size, he didn’t have much trouble tossin’ me right out the window, but I had my first stroke o’ luck. Sorta.

On the one hand, I landed on somethin’ soft. On the other hand, it was manure. It sounded like my pursuer was either being detained or joining in, but all I could think was I had to keep right on

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

Petrified with fright

Runnin’ from the captain’s daughter

You should see her in the mornin’ light

So THAT’s why I smell like this, if ya must know. I’d thank ya ta pour me another ale and mind your own damned business. No more captain’s daughters fer me, lad. From now on it’s the street of red lanterns.